I love my daughter. Yes I do. It just that sometimes I find myself on the edge….
Sometimes, I find myself losing it. My tone gets all annoyed and impatient. I’m pushier than I normally am. My whole body language (and English language) says that I have had it and whatever my daughter is doing is wrong. Then when I stop and think about the actual moment in front of me, the situation at hand seems to not be as big a deal as I am making it. A few more minutes to let her explore a new feeling or idea (or sit on the potty forever reading the same book….again) really isn’t causing a problem. The fact that she clearly wants to pour water just means I need to find an activity where she can do exactly that. It doesn’t matter if she does something the “wrong” way or eats something in a way I would never do. And truly, if she needs me to just hold her or be in the room with her while she cries hysterically for a few minutes, that is ok, too.
The following articles highlight some of the perspective I get when I step back and live through my daughter’s eyes. When I can gain that extra distance to think about the bigger picture, I realize what matters. I feel able to get back in there and be the mom I hope to be.
(#4 from below.) ”I am always thinking if the the clock is more important than the moment with the child.” What a simple way to bring me back to what’s important!
After #1, “All children are capable,” comes “Presume competence,” another case for letting my daughter do as much as she can….and not assuming I know what she can or can’t do or what she does or doesn’t know.
“I’m just trying to be a little less reasonable, a little more open, a little more free-spirited.” An inspiring voice for being a “good improvisational partner” with my child.
This one brought me out of a tough moment and and helped me commit to working on how I respond and communicate with my daughter. “What matters is our kids. What matters is our relationships with our kids.”
Crying. The tears, redness, noise, the hyperventilating….that face. Strangely, I have become less worried about my daughter crying, take it less personally and as a result get less frustrated. I have noticed the benefits of a good cry, if I let it happen without interrupting. What does the research tell us about crying? [Main trouble I have is when we're in public and she's having feelings (not the giant ones, even, just little pouty lip ones). It would help if having an upset kid was more ok in the general public, I think.]